The experiences that many women have throughout their dating life over and over is having a guy lose attraction for them after sleeping with them once or a couple of times. Even when confronted by women, few guys have the courage or the ability to explain this behavior. Even fewer men take the time to actually analyze why they so often lose attraction and the desire to see a woman after sleeping with her once or twice.
At a certain time in some guys’ lives, sex is all they want and they will do anything to get it.Guys like women who take initiative and who express confidence sexually, so make sure you frame the conversation positively and with suggestions rather than negatively or critically (I almost got off until you finished, rolled over, and went to sleep!)
It’s always worth the effort to try again. But be honest if you agree that the chemistry wasn’t there, and you don’t think that will change. Better to cut your losses and move on than to waste time on the wrong guy.
if not most — relationships you have in your life are just meant to last a very short period of time.
There are, in fact, stages of a relationship:
Honeymoon period and peak sexual attraction
Post-honeymoon with connection and chemistry
Comfort and stability with some reduction in sexual desire
Resolution by breaking up or getting past the conflict
If you’re only using that sexual power to lure him in, don’t be surprised that once that power disappears, he does too.
Sex can be a healthy component of a balanced relationship, but it should never be used as a tool.
Men know the power that women yield over them. It’s probably why they pull into their turtle shells at the first sign of affection from women.
Know what you want from a relationship, and from sex, my Confident Lady. Don’t be afraid to express your needs, or to cut bait when necessary. You’re better off ending it with a guy you know will never want more than a romp in the hay if you’re on your path to love.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, author of Should I Stay or Should I Go? says it’s also a good idea to embrace the idea of a quickie. “Sex doesn’t have to be all candles and foreplay,” she says. “Sometimes it can make it more playful within the time frame.” Cuddling, holding, and touching each other on a regular basis can also build intimacy that can translate to the bedroom, she says. Date nights and having scheduled moments where you can connect—just the two of you—can also help, she says. )
If you feel like your libido has been lower than usual lately, talk to your partner about it. Stress can torpedo your sex drive and it may simply be that you need your S.O. to help out a little more, Durvasula says.
If all else fails, consider couples therapy, advises Durvasula. “Find out if the mismatched sexual interest is time and stress or something more sinister.
Researchers found that the gender gap was mainly relevant for people who had been in a relationship for more than a year. In these cases, women were more likely to not share the same level of interest in sex as their partner.
This may not come as a huge shocker. Of course, you’re never going to be as hot for each other as you were when you first started dating. But the study findings also affirm how important it is to keep the spark alive—after all, you don’t want to risk losing your sex life altogether, right?
If all of this hits close to home, you’re not alone. “A lot of couples struggle when their sex lives become too routine,” says David Klow, owner of Skylight Counseling Center in Chicago and author of the upcoming book, You Are Not Crazy: Love Letters From Your Therapist. He recommends shaking things up by trying different positions or getting it on in new locations.
But to us, what really stands out is the huge discrepancy between women and men when it comes to a lack of interest in sex—women are more than twice as likely as men to not be down to get down
Natural Duration of Most Relationships
Many “relationships” are only meant to last a short period of time. Generally, a relationship that has a long term potential has a number of stages – (1) the initial attraction and excitement, (2) the honey moon period accompanied by a peak sexual attraction, (3) the honey moon period is over but other things keep the couple together such as connection and chemistry (4) comfort and stability with some further reduction in sexual desire, (5) a possible conflict/crisis and a (6) resolution in a form of a break-up or getting over the conflict and continue to be together.
However, not every relationship has a long term potential. In fact, most are not supposed to last years or even months. It’s not a bad thing or a good thing. It just is. These shorter relationship are characterized by a very short second stage (honey moon period) which can last for a few weeks but can also be as short as just a few days, and they end up at stage (3) – where the honey moon period is over, but there isn’t strong enough mutual chemistry or connection between the two people that would make them want to stick together. This is the stage when men lose interest. In this kind of situation, the guy doesn’t lose attraction toward a woman on purpose. More often than not, a guy has no way of even knowing before he sleeps with a girl how he is going to feel about her after his initial sexual curiosity is satisfied.
One of the my all time favorite movies “Bitter Moon” provide a very good example of this. In that movie, the guy who is sexually obsessed with the girl he met spends a number of days with her having sex on and off as much as he possibly could without even leaving the house, until at one point his desire start subsiding, and not along after he lost almost all attraction for her and started getting really annoyed with her.
Sex for Attention and Validation
Women dress up in provocative clothes and go out dancing to get attention and validation from men and other women. Guys can’t really do it, because women don’t give guys nearly as much attention just because of their physical appearance. So, many guys use sex as a validation tool for their attractiveness and flirting skills. If that’s the purpose behind meeting women and sleeping with them, that purpose is fulfilled after just one sexual encounter with any given woman. That guy could be in a relationship or even married. He might very well be in love with his wife or a girlfriend, and he is emotionally unavailable to care enough about another woman in order to sleep with her more than once or twice. To satisfy his attention and validation needs, he needs regular supply of new women in his life and he needs to go through the process of getting them attracted and interested enough over and over as long as that need of his exists.
Evolutionary Tendencies and Large Number of Options
Under the risk of sounding cliche, I will remind you of the popular idea that men are genetically driven to attempt to spread their seed as widely as possible and impregnate as many women as possible. The desire for novelty and variety when it comes to sex is at the core of male sexuality. As primitive as the idea of harem might sound to you – the concept of sleeping with different women at the same time has been around for thousands of years and very much appealed, to say the least, to the most powerful rules of many ancient empires. The James Bond movies give you an insight into the kind of dating lifestyle that many guys wished they had.
Of course, as some of the celebrities who got caught cheating say – men tend to be as faithful as their options are. A man who has many options with women because he is attractive, wealthy, interesting, funny, charismatic or all of the above is going to be tempted to have a promiscuous James Bond kind of lifestyle, where he would be pursuing a large number of women at the same time, because he can and he is good at it. As a result, he simply wouldn’t be able to give too much time or attention to any one of the many women he is dealing with. In a way this reason is related to reason #3 above. It’s hard for that kind of a player-guy to know where the line is between his sexual desire and drive for novelty and variety, and his need for attention and validation.
Just Tryin’ to Score
This is probably one of the less common reasons that guys lose attraction or interest in a girl they had sex with, but it certainly has its place especially among guys who are attractive, confidence and know how to seduce and get women into bed quickly. These guys often compare themselves to their peers by keeping a score of how many different women they sleep with. This is a competition – whoever gets laid the most is the coolest guy in their mind. Or, the opposite might be the case too – the guy has been stuck in a “drought” for a long time due to being unpopular, or being a virgin his early 20’s, or he was involved in a bad marriage for way longer than he should have, and now he is trying to make up for all that lost time and all the opportunities that he thinks he missed. That guy will be particularly inclined to hump, dump and move to the next target. He has been starving for so long, so buffet is what he wants now.